and the Perfect Man

I have a MySpace, a Facebook, a LiveJournal, and now one of these. Just in case, I guess. I haven't really decided how to spread my "journaling" between those four things, since there is some sort of blog attached to each of them. But I figured that I've had this for a couple weeks and haven't done anything with it, so I'm gonna go ahead and write something.

Well, life has been pretty full lately, but not hectic. It's been nice--that's a good word for it. I love not being at Simpson. I completely adore being able to text Brandon and say, "I'm coming over. Right now." I don't even have to wait until the weekend and hope the flights look good. I can just drive to Brandon's house every time I miss him. And Chris now, also. He moved back in with his mom and isn't on restriction anymore, which is exciting. I've also discovered that he is a better gal pal than most gal pals I have--and he's ok with that! I love that boy. I do worry about him, but I love him so much. So far in life, we've had sort of a love-hate relationship, but I think it's finally time to move past the teen angst and love each other all the time. I anticipate that sometimes we'll get angry and annoyed with each other, but we'll be able to deal with it in a way that is more loving than the method we used before--beat the crap out of each other and then don't talk for a few weeks until we simmer down, then pretend nothing happened. It's a good method, don't get me wrong, but I am an adult now...

Speaking of my boys, I'm dating Jacob now. Which... is weird. But wonderful. And I'm still really in denial about it. I can't really explain it, but I feel like he's mistaking me for someone else, like he doesn't quite realize who he's dating, because if he did he would stop immediately. Every time he hugs me, puts his arm around me, holds my hand, my initial reaction is, "What are you doing?...Oh yeah, I forgot you like me back." He texted me from DYC just now and said, "I miss you." And I thought, "Huh? Why?" I just don't understand what he sees in me. He's known me basically his whole life, so I can't really hide anything from him like I can with newer boys. He knows me. He's watched me make countless mistakes, heard me say the stupidest, meanest things--probably even to him sometimes! And he likes me? He wants to be my boyfriend? He's so beautiful, and so completely perfect. He's as good as it gets. I've known that for a long time--in fact, I think I even recall recommending him to Emily at one point. I've just never considered that he could be my beautiful, my perfect, my Jacob.

It's mind-bottling. (You know, like when your thoughts are trapped, like in a bottle?) Yay for this Will Ferrell paragraph.

Anyway. I don't know. I don't think I'm a bad person necessarily. I just think Jacob's a super great one, and it doesn't quite make sense that he would want me. Maybe it's balance. I don't know how that makes sense. I told you my thoughts were trapped, like in a bottle.

A few of my friends have said things to me such as, "Yes, this must be such a big change from Kyle." Well... yeah. But it's not necessarily that I'm comparing Jacob to Kyle, because that's actually really effing ridiculous--a fire hydrant would be a better boyfriend than Kyle. I think Jacob is really wonderful because Jacob is really wonderful, not because he's more wonderful than Kyle. Like I said, that isn't super hard to do...unless I'm severely underestimating the work ethic of the average fire hydrant.

Another thing happening in my life is that I'm starting beauty school in a couple months, which I am SO stoked about! In fact, I am so looking forward to it that I have stopped caring about my classes at Green River... which is NOT a good thing. Because when I don't care, I don't try. And when I don't try, I fail classes. Which I guess doesn't matter, since I'm going to beauty school... but come on. I don't fail classes!

Well, seeing as it's Valentines Day, I need to go stuff my face with a heart-shaped pizza. This is America, after all.